When you are a risk-taker, you fear “staying” the most.
I am that person. Right here. Right now.
I’m not sure why. Perhaps it had something to do with how I looked at life.
My lack of care. My uncertainty. My impulsiveness?
I wanted everything because I didn’t want anything enough.
I wanted to be everywhere.
I fear staying.
I fear that I am completely missing what is out there.
I fear that I am playing it safe. I hate playing it safe.
I fear that I am not risking it all for God.
But what if, the riskier thing to do for God is to stay exactly where I am and keep doing what I am doing for the time being?
What if instead of moving from here to there, thinking God will do a miracle when I’ve chosen the right thing, person or place, I should rather hold my ground and stand firm?
What if I should be allowing my feet to sink in a while and keep at the hard, dirty, messy work in which I am involved?
Can I actually tell myself one day, when I look back, that I really did risk it all for God?
..or did I just risk it all for myself?
If I quit my job now, and decides to leave everything behind, will I really “go out of my comfort zone” or I am just following my own desire to be somebody—and can possibly land flat on my face later on.
What if going out of my comfort zone means staying where I am?
So tonight, I seek You deeper as you whisper,
“All I wanted to do is to give you more. Here’s mine Joena, I want you to stay. I want you to fight as long as you can. But with everything that you feel and with everything that you think you are missing, I know it is harder for you to stay, so if you want to go, I want you to know… it’s okay. I understand. It’s okay. You don’t have to fear. I will come with you. Anywhere. Till the end of time.”
Oh God, how can a heart like Yours ever love a heart like mine?
“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness,
and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33)